Now this looks like a job for me, so everybody just follow me, ‘Cause we need a little controversy, ‘Cause it feels so empty without me. ~Slim Shady
Following Jesus Sucks (FJS) was introduced to the world (with great fanfare) in September 2011. The gobbledygook that sprang from the capitulum atop my neck slapped retinas around the globe for a year. But then, the ever deepening truth that “following Jesus sucks,” rocked me like a hurricane. Disillusionment gripped my soul. Pain overcame. FJS tasted earth and rock like the trillions of worms it now called roommates. Gobbledygook was buried, and no one came to the funeral. Maybe one day it, like many of its roomies, would be unearthed, finding its way into the mouths of little fishies eager to gobble-the-gook. (Disclaimer: No offensive slang is intended in this last phrase. So don’t go there!)
Last spring, with the annual scents of resurrection in the air, I grabbed a shovel. Surely FJS was ready for daylight, ready to speak words of wisdom, so let it be! I dug the earth. Pushed rock away. Pierced the cocoon. That little wiggling creature seemed ready to flap. Flap. Flap-Away! FJS was born-again! Fresh, sudsy, gobblin-gookyness flowed from the tap.
But it was a false resurrection. The walking dead in a world of disillusionment. I thought the hurricane had passed. Turned out I was only in the eye of the storm. Duped by the calm, breezy sway of life around me. Completely clueless that another fist was aiming right between the eyes. But this blow would have Fukushima consequences. A nuclear melt-down spewing radiating-death. My greatest allies became my fiercest enemies. All of the ologies and isms I held so dear were now void and empty. Meaningless. This heart-attack proved far too powerful a foe for truth. Darkness swallowed light. Cynicism engulfed hope. My soul a black hole. Experiencing the inability to care. Tasting Hell. My BO was the stench of death. Zombified. (I’m actually quite fond of zombies, but they’re terribly relationally challenged. Plus, try talking to them about hygiene… forget about it!)
Hope: The Most Vital-of-Signs
The season of resurrection has cycled again. What happened to the hope that kept my heart beating – that kept my soul breathing? I’ve had enough of this tomb! This self-inflicted cocoon. Caskets trap death. Cocoons release life! I need air. Someone help me breath! I want resurrection! Permanent and everlasting. Famine is hell’s buffet. And I’m fully dissatisfied! I can’t take another bite! I think the fog is lifting. Is that hope in the distance? Will I believe again? Will my allies return? Will my soul rise and bleed and nourish? Will fear lose sway? Will I finally learn to live, that is to say, to love?
The fact that I’m hoping for hope is hopeful indeed. And I’m hoping that Hope kicks Disillusionment’s butt! Will hope finally reign, and keep my heart sustained? Or, will the desire to hide six-feet-under steal my thunder? I can’t say. I can only go with where I am today.
Today, light and life are piercing through the concrete tomb. And, as that stoic philosopher Slim Shady has so narcissistically stated – Life feels so empty without ME!
As I grapple with new stirrings for life – the hope for a comeback from the dead – some songs have been ping-ponging through my brain. Here’s a short list of “comeback” (i.e. starting fresh/over/anew) songs in no particular order. Although, Radioactive has been especially defibrillating as of late. If you have a comeback song(s) that stirs life in you, please share in the comment section.
- Bring Me To Life (“Wake me up inside, before I come undone!”) – Evanescence
- Dare You To Move (“I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor.” Sometimes nothing seems harder.) – Switchfoot
- What I’ve Done (“I’ll start again. And whatever pain may come. Today this ends. I’m forgiving what I’ve done.”) – Linkin Park
- Mama Said Knock You Out (“Don’t call it a comeback! I’ve been here for years!”) – LL Cool J
- Back In Black (Because any comeback list without this song is lame!) – AC/DC
- Radioactive (The lead singer suffers from severe depression, and wrote this song coming out of a particularly difficult episode. Some super-creative lyrics for “resurrecting.” Check out the live performance of this song below.) – Imagine Dragons